Finding Purpose in the Singleness

Can I first say, I have been hesitant and nervous to even talk about this. Why, because this is the one area in my life that has been constant, made me feel not enough and out of place and always alone. Today I am going to be vulnerable, not because I want to but because I know that there are other people out there who are going through the same struggles but don't know how to see the beauty in all of it.

Singleness. Why is it that no one ever wants to talk about singleness. When you first meet someone they ask you are you married (or in a relationship) and you say no and then it gets awkwardly silent cause they don't know how to respond. Or they want to give you their opinion and advice that us singles have heard over and over again. "Oh, he (or she) will come right when you are not expecting it" or other comments that we have all heard a million times. I know people say things with good intentions but we are being taught over and over again in our society and even in the church that if you are single you are not enough and that you need someone else in your life to complete you. But can I get up on my soapbox for a minute and tell you that this needs to stop! To all my single friends: please hear me you are enough. You were created in the image of God, beautiful and wonderfully made. You were placed on this earth for a purpose and because you may not have someone by your side at the moment does not mean you cannot accomplish what God has set out for you to do. Society, the church, and married friends: please encourage and celebrate us as individuals. Please don't make us feel left out and all alone. Help us grow as individuals and allow us to be a part of your community.

Let me tell you, this has not been an easy journey to be on. I have been single for 28 years... like so single I have never held a boys hand (too much detail, I am always 100% honest haha). So single friends take it from me, I know what you are going through! I know that everyone around you is getting married and having kids. I know that this will be another Valentine's Day that you will have to spend alone. I know the feeling of pain, loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted. I get it. But can I tell you something, you are loved and pursued daily and no man or woman is ever going to fill that desire or ache that you feel except our Heavenly Father. Just as a man pursues his bride so does God pursue us. In the same way, just as a parent loves and takes care of their children so does God love and take care of us.

Friends, life does not stop once you get married. Just because you finally find your spouse doesn't mean you are going to have a happily ever after, why do you think they end Disney movies where it does. Because it is so much more work and an even longer journey when you decide that two strongly opinionated individuals should give up themselves and become one. It's a lot of work and it's worth it but when the right time comes. So instead of focusing on what we don't have and those around us, how if we focused on ourselves and what God's purpose is for our lives.

Like I said, I have been single for 28 years and every year since my late teens/twenties I pray that maybe this will be the year... and every year God has other plans for my life. Looking back, sure there could have been many times that I got into a relationship just because there was someone there but luckily that never happened. God had bigger and better plans and was guarding my heart and protecting me from brokenness. God has taken me around the world as an independent woman and has given me opportunities and experiences that has formed me to be the person I am today. I know that if I were to have gotten married young and have kids, I would not have been able to find out who God has created me to be as an individual. Even within this past year God has been speaking into me and forming me to be more confident in myself and through him. How can we expect to be in a healthy loving relationship if we are not healthy and loving to ourselves? How can we expect God to be the center of our relationship if he is not even the center of our own lives? Are you guys getting what I am saying? We need to focus on ourselves and our relationship with God first way before we get into a relationship with someone. We need to find our purpose in this life and pursue it. Don't just stop and wait for someone to come your way and not have any purpose in your life. Go, do what God has called you to do and while you are on your path that God has designed for you he will also orchestrate your future someone to meet you on that path. But until then run and don't stop until he says to look. And again just cause you find that special someone doesn't mean you can stop. Now you need to run together and don't stop, for God has great and better plans for each one of our lives!

During this time of singleness ask God to show you the people in your lives now. We have all been there when a friends gets into a relationship and mysteriously vanishes and you never see them again until you get their wedding invite? First off, friends don't do this. Your friends are here for you while you are single or married. Don't leave your friends high and dry just because you found someone else in your life. Okay, back to my point. God has put every single person in your life for a purpose. And the cool thing about being single is that you have more time to be intentional and free to be with those people. God has reminded me this in the past few months. I have so many wonderful people in my life and more are being added to my life daily. God showed me that instead of focusing on what was and was not happening in my life that I should be focusing on what is for a fact in my life, my family and friends. So instead of focusing my energy on what does not need to be, I am going to focus my energy on God and the people God has put in my life in this season.

So, as I wrap up today. I pray that you know that you are loved. You are beautiful just the way you are (gotta put in some of my boy Bruno Mars' lyrics). You don't need anyone to complete you except our Heavenly Father. You have people in your life that need you just as much as you need them. Friends, I am here for you. Please, text, call, message me if you ever just need someone to talk to or just need someone to hang out with. You know I am always up for an adventure. I love and thank God for each one of you. Thank you for being part of my life and for all the adventures!

A little bonus: This sermon series that a friend sent to me has been changing my life. Everyone should watch this single or married, everyone! You can watch it HERE from Transformation Church.